By Trish Ostroski
Understanding the difference between dialog and discussion can help our relations.
Tips for Effective Dialog:
Dialog vs. Discussion
Interactive communication refers to interacting in ways that build shared meaning, rather than colliding in ways that foster disagreement, frustration and confusion.
Dialog is a subtle process that may be difficult to understand, and even more difficult to actually create–but is well worth the effort.
Benefits of Dialog:
Dialog has the ability to convert detractors into supporters, conflict into consensus, and add depth to all types of relationships.
A dialog influences another’s perspective by first demonstrating a deep understanding of the position you want to influence. People frequently resist attempts to be influenced by using the statement, “You just don’t understand.”
In a dialog, your skills of collaborative inquiry and listening provide others with a profound sense of being heard. When we feel that we are heard, we become more willing to be open to another point of view. We all want to be heard.
Dialog requires a great deal including–
Listening more deeply and for longer periods of time.
Inquiring of others and paraphrasing their ideas when every cell in your body wants to attack, defend or explain.
Becoming aware of our mind drifting and repeatedly returning it to the topic at hand.
Examining our thoughts and separating the assumptions from facts.
Here are some things dialog requires—-
A complete shift in mindset from telling others what you think,
to inquiring of them what they think. Put them first.
A deeper level of listening and a more active approach to
demonstrating that you are listening to others.
An ability to penetrate into another’s assumptions and mental
maps to uncover the framework that governs their behavior.
Recognize dialog as–
The issue develops keen intellectual interest.
The conversation includes some laughter.
Everyone is involved, and people are listening deeply.
The conversation becomes animated.
You become eager to add to what someone else has said; but you are listening more than talking.
You sense excitement.
The multiple perspectives create a sense of aliveness and possibility.
Different viewpoints interest you instead of annoy you.
Music as Metaphor
Each musician must build on what the others are already doing especially when it is improv. One musician can’t just begin playing his favorite riff. He must listen to what others are playing, and then build on it. The result is something unique — no one person controls the musical direction. They improvise and initiate, but always in relationship to what others are doing.
Discussion vs. Dialog
Dialog In Contrast With Discussion
The Latin origin of discuss is “discutere” – to dash or shake apart. Hence, to discuss is to shake apart what others say.
In a discussion we break things down, fragment the whole, analyze the pieces, and seek to convince others of our insights. You recognize discussion by its competitive nature. If you are only listening in order to prepare your own counter-arguments, you are involved in a discussion.
Defaulting to Discussion
Often the default in conversations, is discussion. Each side will serve its viewpoint across the table. The other side will then repeat its counter-position. If your trust of the others involved diminishes along with your patience and good will, you are likely in discussion.
Building dialog versus discussion will help to build relations.
Trish Ostroski's Blog 